I Wasn’t Entirely Sure it I’d Ever Write About It.

I miss Miami.

There.  I said it.

I was watching the premier of some show and it had a Hispanic woman being a ‘typical’ Hispanic mother with all of her fast talking and love all over you and nonsensical cooing and excited noises only they can make.
And it made me miss all of the people who are even little bits and pieces of that character.

This weekend also made me think about my life in Miami.  Nobody was home except me and my cat the entire time.  Even the dog was gone.  And it made me sigh with a tiny bit of self-contentedness because I miss being in my own apartment with the TV and the big bed and my cat all to myself.

And I realized that I miss my dad giving me a countdown when I would half-dread going back down there “only 3 more semesters, Claire. that’s nothing, you’re halfway done! only 3 more semesters” or when in the middle of a semester I’d get lonely and jealous of everyone back home “only 10 more weeks until Christmas break Claire.  and then you’ll be home for the summer in only 5 months after that.  its nothing.”

I even sort of miss hating the weather right about now.  Oh the weather down there is awful from about May until November.  The humidity and twice a day thunderstorms are almost unbearable, but I miss thinking “when will it break? when will it break!” because knowing full well that when it would break I’d be living in paradise.  I’ll miss thinking to myself in February what a lucky girl I am to wear shorts and flip-flops all year long and be able to sit outside to study and read and play on the computer and getting a warm sun-kissed tan by just walking to and from the car.

I miss grocery shopping at Publix and running to CVS in the middle of the night for a snack just because its right around the corner and I can.

I miss Aventura:  the Mall, the Whole Foods, the Fairmont where I worked.  It always felt so much more like you were somewhere there.  I don’t have a good reason why, but it did.  I miss the drive to Aventura.  I really liked that short stretch of 95.

I miss the Panthers.  I started working there about a year ago this month or so and though it was a little awkward at first, I miss thinking “who picked this music?  I can’t dance to this music!” but still acting like a fool to get attention anyway.  I miss getting my face painted and coloring my lips blood red and spraying my hair blue and setting up intermission games and watching the game from the rafters where it was quiet and detached, like a little game or music box where the players move in predetermined patterns.

I miss the food I can’t get or cook here. I miss my apartment that was mine, all mine, and how I didn’t actually feel lonely once I got used to it because there wasn’t anybody who could come visit or hang out anyway.

I miss how everything was bright, always.  I miss driving over the 395 to get to south beach at night.  I miss the same thing during the day, but the two views were, well, night and day. And both were capture worthy. I miss the Parish where on random Saturday nights or Sunday afternoons I would attend Mass and the little old ladies that would sit next to me and tuck in my tags. 

I miss going to chic places and parties and knowing that only a few people (comparatively) will really ever be able to experience (or appreciate) the way it is just like the movies.

I miss the school, but a lot less than I miss those other things. 
I  miss my friends from that school, but a lot more than any of those other things. 

I miss working towards an end.  A short-term end.  Knowing that when I was done it would just be time for another chapter. Another adventure.
I’ve started that chapter and let me tell you, its very boring.  Its not supposed to be, and I don’t want it to be, but right now I’m treading water.  Doggie-paddled through the summer and I see no alternative destination in sight.
Terrified I’ll settle.
Afraid of what might happen if I don’t and what will happen if I do.
I’m pretty sure its a lot like treading water.

But, alas, I do miss you Miami.  I miss many things about you, and others not so much.
So much do I miss the people I left behind.
I also left behind a tiny bit more than a little bitty piece of myself behind as well.
So don’t forget me, because I’ll never be forever gone.